Do you know what I call smart? Taking something from “works awesome” (No-Knead Bread) to the level of “KICK-ASS.” Which is exactly what authors of the book Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day, Jeff Hertzberg and Zoe Francois, have done.  Oh yeah, and I hold them both directly responsible for the extra 3lbs I’ve just gained testing their recipes.

So, they’ve taken the basic No Knead Bread recipe and added 2 big concepts to it:

1) Make enough dough to store in the refrigerator for 2 weeks. Pinch off what you need and bake. Return the rest to refrigerator. This allows you to bake a loaf of artisan bread in as little as 20 minutes rest + 25 minute bake any day of the week. Perfect for spontaneous cooks like myself. Want dinner rolls for just 2 tonight? Pinch off a smaller chunk of dough. Plus, the “aging” of the dough produces the most amazing flavor, something that was lacking in the original No Knead bread.

2) Create over 100 different bread/pastry recipes, all no-knead.

Um. Let me see if I can whet your appetite.

PEASANT LOAVES: Baguette, Batard, Pain d’Epi, Ciabatta, Crusty White Sandwich Loaf, Olive Bread, Caraway Swirl Rye, Limpa (Scandinavian bread wit honey and orange zest), Portuguese Corn Bread, English Granary Style, Oatmeal-Pumpkin, Raisin Walnut Oatmeal, Vermont Cheddar Bread, Caramelized Onion & Herb Dinner Rolls, Spinach Feta, Sun-Dried Tomato & Parmesan, Granola Bread, Roasted Garlic Potato Bread, Eastern European Potato Rye, Bagels, Bialys, Soft Pretzels, Montreal Bagels

FLATBREADS/PIZZAS: Pizza, Spinach & Cheese Calzone, Philadelphia Stromboli with Sausage, Prosciutto & Olive Oil Flatbread, Pissaladiere, Focaccia with Onion & Rosemary, Olive Fougasse, Fougasse Stuffed with Roasted Red Pepper, Sweet Provencal Flatbread with Anise Seeds, Pine-Nut Studded Polenta Flatbread, Arabic Za’atar Flatbread, Pita, Amenian Lavash, Moroccan Anise and Barley Flatbread, Naan, Scandinavian Rye Crisp bread

ENRICHED: Challah, Turban Shaped Challah with Raisins, Onion Pletzel, Sticky Pecan Caramel Rolls, Brioche, Brioche a Tete, Almond Brioche “Bostock”, Brioche Filled with Chocolate Ganache, Beignets, Chocolate or Jam Filled Beignets, Panettone, Soft-Style American White, Buttermilk Bread, Cinnamon Raisin Bread, Chocolate Bread, Swiss Muesli Breakfast Bread, Sunflower Seed Breakfast Loaf, Chocolate Prune, Chocolate Raisin Babka, Apple & Pear Coffee Cake, Sunny Side up Apricot Pastry, Blueberry Lemon Curd Ring, Braided Raspberry Almond Cream Pastry, Cinnamon Twists

Wipe that drool off the keyboard!

The first recipe I tried was to satisfy my sweet tooth. I love the No-Knead Bread from Lahey, but after an entire year of spoiling myself with crusty, homemade round loaves, I yearned for a sweet bread. This Sticky Pecan Caramel Cinnamon Roll truly is a no-knead, no-brainer!

This is what orgasm on a plate looks like.

Master Dough

from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day

The book contains several master dough recipes, and this is an enriched sweet dough, perfect for a loaf of Challah (the braided dough) and the Sticky Rolls. You start by mixing the master dough first. Let that rest overnight in the refrigerator, then the next day, pinch off a cantaloupe sized hunk-o-dough to make your Sticky Pecan Caramel Cinnamon Rolls! Return the rest to the refrigerator to use for another day.

1 3/4 cups lukewarm water
1 1/2 tbl instant yeast
1 1/2 tbl kosher salt
4 lg eggs, slightly beaten
1/2 cup honey
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
7 cups unbleached all-purpose flour

In a large bowl, mix together the eggs, honey, melted butter, yeast and salt. Stir well with a wooden spoon. Add in the flour. STIR, BABY STIR!!! Stir until you don’t see any more dry bits of flour. Cover (not airtight) and stick it in the refrigerator overnight, or up to 4 days. The longer you let it fart around in the refrigerator (literally!), the better tasting the dough will be.

Pssst…. if you want, you can let it rise for 2 hours on the counter, pinch off the dough that you need to make your rolls. However, I’ve found that with only a 2-hour rise, the bread isn’t very flavorful. Still good, but definitely not as good as if you had let it sit 1-4 days in the refrigerator.

This is what the mixed dough looks like:

Sticky Pecan Caramel Cinnamon Rolls

adapted from Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day

The photos I have on this post were from the book’s recipe followed exactly. However, the recipe below is modified a bit, increasing the amount of caramel and amount of filling, as I like my rolls to be oozing, dripping of the sweet cinnamon butter and sugar. Think of Cinnabon, that chain store found in every American mall, except EVEN BETTER.

The Dough
A cantaloupe sized chunk of the Master Dough (about 1.5 lbs)

The Gooey Sticky Caramel Topping
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
2/3 tsp kosher salt
2/3 cup brown sugar
30 toasted pecan halves

The Heavenly Sweet Cinnamon Butter Filling
1/2 cup unsalted butter, softened
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
2/3 cup chopped and toasted pecans
1 tsp kosher salt

9″ square or round cake pan

The first thing you need to do is take that master dough out of the refrigerator, grab a small cantalope sized chunk of dough. Return the rest of it to the refrigerator to use another time (psst… get the book for all the other recipes using this dough!). Generously flour your hands and the dough. Shape the dough into a ball by stretching the surface of the dough and tucking it to the bottom all around, rotating the ball a quarter-turn as you go. This creates a taut, smooth surface. Let the dough rest, covered with a towel to take the chill off.

While the dough is unchilling, mix the topping and the filling.

FOR THE TOPPING: Cream together the butter, salt and sugar. Spread this topping evenly on the bottom of the cake pan. Sprinkle with pecan halves (I used chopped pecans in my photos).

FOR THE FILLING: Cream together all ingredients except the pecans. Set aside.

Dust your counter with flour and roll out the dough with a rolling pin to 1/8″ thick rectangle. Try to get it 13″ x 17″.  I had trouble with the rectangular shape, so I just rolled it into a large oval. Spread the sweet butter filling evenly on the surface. Sprinkle chopped pecans all over. Here is Andrew, the bad-ass baker boy at work. (hey, if your kid wants to eat sweets, make him cook or bake it himself - that’s my rule!)

Roll it up, starting with the long side.

Flour your serrated knife and cut roll into 9 even pieces (square pan) or 8 pieces (round pan).

Set it in the pan on top of the caramel, cover with towel and rest for 40 minutes,

Preheat your oven to 350F. The book says to bake for 40 minutes, or until golden brown and well set in the center. But take a peek at the rolls around the 30 minute mark.

I used my convection setting (325F for 22min).

While still hot, run a knife round the edge of pan and invert immediately onto a plate. If you wait until it cools, the caramel will harden and it will be difficult to turn out.

YUM. Soft, pillowy dough. Sweet cinnamon and nutmeg butter dribbling down your chin. Sticky, gooey caramel. Crunchy pecans.

Wanna bite?

In response to the latest buzz about the lawsuit against Deceptively Delicious author, Jerry Seinfeld’s wife, what’s-her-name, I’m launching my own campaign against the entire concept of hiding vegetables in your kids food.

Seinfeld’s recipes included such atrocities like, Carrot and Spinach Brownies, Cauliflower Banana Bread, Broccoli Gingerbread.

Like, totally. Gag me with an asparagus spear.

Do you even know how many Flaxseed Chicken Nuggets my kids can slingshot across the room in 12.3 seconds with one hand tied behind their backs? The long term effect of sneaking foods into your kids meals is the under appreciation of the taste of real vegetables. Plus, do you want kids to grow up with confusion over what mashed potatoes really taste like? When their school friends come over for supper, they’ll wonder why the hot dogs have a green tinge and smell like the wrong end of a hippo. That, my friends, leads to worse things than not eating greens, like social anxiety, adult bedwetting and a plethora of disorders that require expensive medication.

If we’re going to dupe our kids into eating healthily, let’s do it right. There are a variety of tactics that I employ in the Steamy Kitchen household, borrowed mainly from my husband’s old West Point Military Academy handbook and his 7 years as a Anthony Robbins trainer.

Bribery: “If you eat your broccoli, I’ll give you an extra 50 cents for college.”

Blatent Honesty: “See this picture of Uncle Jimmy? We call him lard-ass. He didn’t eat kale.”

Hostile Negotiations: “If you don’t clean your plate, I’ll whip Buzz Lightyear with a fishing pole and shock him with cattle prod.”

Neuro-Linguistic Programming: “It’s funny how much the more you try to resist the natural urge to eat brussels sprouts , the more you keep wanting it, getting more and more excited about what you are tasting in your mouth at this very moment in time.”

Exploiting Sibling Competitiveness: “If you eat your carrots, I’ll love you way more than your brother.”

Jedi-Talk: “Try? There is no try. Just eat your goddamn vegetables.”

Good Cop/Bad Cop: “Dude. If I were you, I’d just stuff those carrots in your  mouth. Mom’s coming and she’s on her 6th straight day of PMS. Don’t want to be on the receiving end of that monster.”

Sponteneous Egomania: “SPINACH?! You can’t handle the spinach! Son, I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Cheetos and curse the alfalfa sprouts. I would rather you just said “thank you,” and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up that spinach and eat it like a man. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”

Injection of Guilt: “You have NO IDEA how many miles your father had to walk up the steep mountain, in Florida snow, carrying 50 pounds of oranges, wearing flipflops to get that tofu on your dinner plate.”

And my favorite technique of all, Funny Food Names – laughing so hard you don’t notice you’re eating seaweed.

Furikake French Fries (pronounced Furrrrr-ee-kokkkkkkyyyyy)

if you say that 10 times fast. You might fart.

Yes, it’s a real word. Furikake is a Japanese condiment that includes dried bonito flakes, seaweed, sesame seeds and other seasonings. Find it at most Asian markets. While normally used to sprinkle on steamed rice, I sprinkled it on a fresh batch of french fries for a really cool sweet/salty hit. You can make homemade french fries with a good mandolin like I did, but I find the frozen kind easier to bake.

*DISCLAIMER: Yeah, I know this isn’t a healthy recipe. Get your kids to like seaweed FIRST with french fries, THEN switch it up on them - sprinkle Furikake on steamed broccoli, spinach, tofu… whatever!

This is another technique called Bait and Switch. This double-technique is for the experienced only. Amateurs do not try.

Furikake comes in a small can, with a pull-tab so you can shake out the furikake (heehee! I love saying that word!) There are many different flavors.

Furikake French Fries

*Gluten Free notes: the Furikake that I purchased included soy sauce, which has wheat. However, you can make your own seaweed salt mixture. Purchase unseasoned seaweed (brush with GF tamari, toast for a few seconds over open flame, crush) + sesame seeds + sea salt)

1 bag of frozen french fries
(if making own from scratch and frying instead of baking like a bad parent- see below)
2 tbl furikake seasoning
sea salt or kosher salt

Follow the directions on the bag of your frozen french fries. Be a good parent and bake ‘em instead of frying. Bake until golden and crispy. While the french fries are still hot, season with salt and furikake seasoning.

If you choose make homemade french fries, budget 1 large russet potato per person, after cutting, soak your fries in cold water at least 30 minutes, drain and pat very dry. The soak helps remove excess starch and produces a crisper fry. Heat your oil to 325F. Fry in batches for 1-3 minutes depending on thickness of fry, drain. Increase heat to 375F and re-fry to crisp for 30 seconds-1 minute. Drain and season while hot.

***

It’s my new favorite word now and can be used in many different ways. The moment you feel angry, instead of cussing, just say Furikake. Guaranteed to snap you out of your foul mood.

That Mother-FURIKAKE cut me off again!
FURIKAKE You!
Yo mamma is a FURIKAKE!
What the FURIKAKE?
Yippy-Ki-Yay Mother-FURIKAKE!

Come on, guys, you can do better than I can! Share with me your kid-duping techniques! How about a way to use FURIKAKE in a sentence????